David and Victoria Beckham were on vacation in the depths of Louisiana.

Posh wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking.

After becoming very frustrated with the 'no haggle' attitude of one of the shopkeepers, David shouted, "Maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price !"

The shopkeeper said, "By all means, be my guest. Maybe you'll be lucky and catch yourself a big one !"

Determined, David and Posh turned and headed for the swamps, set on catching an alligator.

Later in the day, the shopkeeper is driving home, when he spots Beckham standing waist deep in the water, shotgun in hand. 

Just then, Becks sees a huge 9 foot alligator swimming quickly toward him.  

He takes aim, kills the  creature and with a great deal of effort hauls it on to the swamp bank.

Lying nearby were several more of the dead creatures. The shopkeeper watches in amazement. 

Just then Beckham flips the alligator on its back, and frustrated, shouts out, "bollocks, this one isn't wearing any shoes either !" 

Beckham Knows Best

A plane was about to crash and there were 5 people on board and only 4 parachutes.

The first person said: "I am Roy Keane, one of the best footballers in Ireland. I am worth a lot of money and my fans need me so I think I should be saved." The others agreed and gave him one of the parachutes and off he went.

The second person said: "I am Gerry Adams, a radical Irish politician who can really help my country and I think I should be saved." The others said: "O.K." and gave him a parachute.

The third person said "I am David Beckham, captain of the English National squad. I have a wife and two sons. Everyone knows I am a really nice guy and everyone thinks I am stupid, but I'm not, so I am taking a parachute." and off he went.

There were two folk left, the Pope and a 10 year old schoolgirl. 

The Pope said, "child I am old and frail and have lived my life while you are young with everything before you. You take the parachute and I will stay with the aircraft and take my chance."

"It's O.K." said the girl, "there are still two parachutes. David Beckham picked up my schoolbag."

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