Not Feeling Too Grand

Curing Hiccups

A woman went to her doctor's office. She was seen by one of the new doctors, but after about 4 minutes in the examination room, she burst out screaming and ran down the hall.

An older doctor stopped her and asked what the problem was, and she explained. He had her sit down and relax in another room.

The older doctor marched back to the first and demanded, "What's the matter with you ?. Mrs Terry is 63 years old, she has four grown children and seven grandchildren, and you told her she was pregnant ?"

The new doctor smiled smugly as he continued to write on his clipboard.

"Cured her hiccups though, didn't it?"

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A man came round in hospital after a serious accident. 

He shouted, "Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs !"

The doctor strolled over not at all concerned and replied, "its alright sir that is not a problem".

"We had to amputate your arms".

A man walks into a doctor's office. 

"What seems to be the problem ?"  asks the doctor.

"It's... um... well... I have five penises." replies the man.

"Blimey !" says the doctor, "How do your trousers fit ?"

"Like a glove."

A woman arrives at a bank with a fifty pound note stuck in each ear.

She asks to see the manager.

So the cashier steps into the managers office, and says, "There's a woman to  see you, she's $100 in arrears."

Man goes to the doc, with a strawberry growing out of his head.

Doc says "I'll give you some cream to put on it."

"Doctor, I can't stop singing the green green grass of home."

"That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome. "

"Is it common? "

"It's not unusual."

A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only clingfilm for shorts.

The shrink says, "Well, I can clearly see you're nuts."

A guy goes into the doctor's.

"Doctor, I've got a cricket ball stuck up my backside

"How's that ?"

"Don't you start"

A man walked into the doctors and said "I've hurt my arm in several places".

The doctor said "well don't go there any more".