Women Talk

Mrs. Cohen, Mrs. Levy, and Mrs. Lefkovitz are discussing their sons. 

Mrs Cohen says, "Now my Sheldon, what a man! A world famous lawyer, he is, with big shot clients, a mansion in Beverly Hills, a summer home in Hawaii. He has a beautiful wife, and everything a man could want in the world."

Mrs. Levy says, "That's nice. Let me tell you about my son Johnathan. He is a doctor, a world-famous researcher. He travels across the world on conferences, talks, lectures. He was nominated for a Nobel prize in Medicine. What a man !"

Mrs. Lefkowitz says, "My Hershel, he's an engineer. Now, he makes maybe $35,000 a year, and he's not famous. But his Pee Pee is so long, you can line up ten pigeons in a row on it."

The ladies sip their tea for a while. Then, Mrs. Cohen says, "Actually, I got a confession to make. Sheldon's an up-and-coming lawyer in Los Angeles, but he doesn't have a mansion or a summer home. He's a bright young man with a good future."

Mrs. Levy says: "Well, I got a confession too. Johnathan is a good doctor, and he got his share of scholarships, but a Nobel prizewinner, he isn't." They all look expectantly at Mrs. Lefkowitz.

 "Well, all right, I'll tell the truth too. The last bird had to stand on one leg."

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Answer phone message.

"....If you want to buy marijuana, press the HASH key...."

A man walks into a pub, and notices Vincent Van Gogh is standing at the bar.   "Do you want a pint, Vince?", he asks. 

"No, thanks," replies the artist.

"I've got one 'ere."

Two prostitutes standing on a street corner. One says to the other, "have you ever been picked up by the fuzz ?".

The other replies, "No, but I've been swung around by the boobs !".

Understanding Art

A couple attending an art exhibition at the National Gallery were  staring at a portrait that had them completely confused. 

The painting depicted three very black and totally naked men sitting on a park bench. Two of the figures had black penises, but the one in the middle had a pink penis.

The curator of the gallery realized that they were having trouble interpreting the painting and offered his assessment. 

He went on for nearly half an hour explaining how it depicted the sexual emasculation of African-Americans in a predominately white, patriarchal society.

"In fact" he pointed out "some serious critics believe that the pink penis also reflects the cultural and sociological oppression experienced by gay men in contemporary society."

After the curator left, a Scottish man approached the couple and said, "Would you like to know what the painting is really about ?"

"Now why would you claim to be more of an expert than the curator of the gallery ?" asked the couple.

"Because I'm the guy who painted it" he replied. "In fact, there are no African-Americans depicted at all".

They're just three Scottish coal-miners. The only difference is that the guy in the middle went home for lunch.

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